Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
