im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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