Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
