After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
