is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
