So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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