A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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