She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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