Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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