I heard we made out
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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