The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
