I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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