i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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