I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bring me that man meat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
