He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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