thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
