i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
