I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
