ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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