I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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