Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
