he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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