i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
