Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
