I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
