a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pray to the hookup gods
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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