hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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