My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
