i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
