I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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