I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who died my cat blue again?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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