I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
