So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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