the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize