Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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