Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
