does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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