wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize