it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
