so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
