White coat. Heels.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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