As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
