how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize