I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
