dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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