her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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