What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it because I queefed?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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