Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
