Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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