remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
