Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wanna go halves on a baby?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
then he tried to convert me to islam
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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