Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
