i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
