I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
