he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
why do cheetos always look like penises
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I deserve this hangover.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
