I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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