dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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