I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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