The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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