I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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