Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
