And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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